Dealing with the EX..

First of all because there is a child from that union your boyfriend and his ex do need to stay in communication, it is the how they communicate that's important. There are four people involved here [you, your boyfriend, the Ex and the child] and multiple intertwined relationships. The relationship that concerns you most is of course that between you and your boyfriend. However, the answer to your challenge may lie in your relationship with the Ex. Of course it is your boyfriend's responsibility to maintain a civil, working relationship with the mother of his child [if at all possible, for the good of the child.] But, if you can win her over...

For a moment put yourself in her shoes. She and the father of her child broke up, no one starts a family planning for it to fall apart...so it is always a painful thing. She is raising the child, possibly alone right now, not an easy task. Here is possibly the most important thing you must understand, in her eyes you as the 'other woman.' If their relationship fell apart because of you or not doesn't matter, you are with him now, you are the 'other woman.'

Now, the solution may well lie in what you can do for her not what she does for you. Here is what I recommend:

You reach out to her, you try to get to know her, you make sure she gets her child support on time, you befriend her. Don't talk about your boyfriend with her, find another common topic! Talk about things that are going on in her life. Also, be sure that she doesn't see you as wanting to be the child's mother. Remember, if you and your boyfriend are planning for the long haul, his Ex is going to be part of your lives too.

Before you say this won't work Brooke, this plan of action may not magically change things, but over time, if she is but a bit human, she will soften and you will develop a civil relationship that will benefit all four of you now and in the years to come.

A word of caution: If the Ex is a substance abuser or has been diagnosed with an emotional or mental impairment this may not work.

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